I don't think I ever got over Caleb dying. Actually I know I never have. I miss my person. It sets me up to have so many issues with having someone I consider a best friend.

I don't talk about him as much anymore. My sister feels since the two of us had quit speaking and my ex whom she was dating befriended him and they were bffs that it nulls my loss. Even though she was the one who broke the news to me, I don't feel like she realizes how much I lost.

I know it's been almost 8 years. I get it and that I need to just move on. I don't let it depress me like I did as a teen. I've gotten over the hurt and the anger every time I hear his name or I think about him. Caleb died when I wasn't speaking to him, because he wouldn't just date me, while we did all the things couples do. I'd gone two years not speaking to him, I'd avoided his friends and places I knew he went. But I thought about him every single day. Part of that is why I won't walk away from The One Boy, because I don't want history to repeat itself and take someone who isn't just my best friend, but someone I love.

But I miss the boy who dislocated my elbow and let me lay on his stomach while he tried to see if people would run him over at the skating rink on the floor. I miss the boy who wore my shoes and danced in them and told me an Alka Seltzer was a new circular Pez and laughed while I spit foam all over the science class floor. The one who listened to Japanese pop just to drive me nuts and the one I want to have a memorial tattoo for.

I've lost a lot of people. I've lost people who were like family to me. But none as devastating as losing the person I'd spent my preteen and into my teen years caring so much about. The One Boy reminds me so much of him, and I think that's something I love so much about him. I don't know why it's important to me, but it is. Caleb set up the foundation for what I wanted in a partner, so that I knew what I was looking for until I found it. Miss that kid so much though.