I've never been normal, god how cliche that sounds. I wasn't a normal kid, I wasn't a normal teen. I can't say I'm a normal adult, hell I can't even claim to be an adult.
The other day in personalities class he had us look at an inkblot and all I could think of was "That's either a puppy or a rib cage...". Later on Dr.B told us that if you saw an animal, according to that it was thought that you were immature, and if you saw severed body parts then you were thought to be a bit disturbed. Where exactly does that put me?

I am insanely dependent. Not in an "Oh god if you leave I'll kill myself" sort of way, more so in a way that I like having a partner in crime. I like having someone to confide in that's my best friend who keeps my secrets and has the same sense of humor I do. Whether that be relationship, friendship, or both is irrelevant. I hate making choices, I hate feeling second best. I don't know where I got this insane need to always be number 1. The best kisser you've ever had, the best friend you've ever known, the person you've loved the most. There's just something in me that always feels insanely let down when I don't know I'm the best, I'm number one and theres no one better. Of course it's not realistic, it's never going to be realistic. But god the feeling is awful when I know it's not true.

I know I'm not my s/o's favorite. I know I'm not the person they have loved more than anything in their life. I know I'm not my best friend's number 1 friend. And that kills. I don't know how that started. I don't know what prompted it or why. Then again I don't know what really prompted anything I do, it's just one of those things that exist.