Sometimes I feel like I tell you "I love you" too much, other times I feel like it's not enough. I don't feel I can ever convey just how much you mean to me, especially after I didn't have you for so long. It's a scary thought you know. Thinking that one day you could have everything ripped away again, just like it was before.
Telling you that would put too much pressure on you though. I even get afraid telling you that you're my world could do the same, just because I don't want you to ever feel forced to stay.

I freak myself out far too often, but that's partially just because of how very important you are to me. The more I care, the more I worry. The things I worry about may seem ridiculous, but to me they are very real. I know that's frustrating. I know it has to drive you nuts, especially if it's because you feel like you aren't doing enough to fix it. Maybe it's because I need too much affection. I need small reminders and I love yous. Little messages and I miss yous. I'm a handful, I don't know why anyone would choose to stay with me.

I didn't think I could fall more in love with you, but apparently finding out just how much you need someone in your life does that to you. I don't like being the girl who says I "need" someone, I use to say I didn't need anyone, me against the world ya know? But not now. Now I can admit (with little hesitation) that without you in my life I am not as happy. I can't even fake happiness to the level you truly give me, and trust me I'm good at faking things with people. I can lie to myself, tell myself that I am happy with someone and that I love someone. I can write about it to tell myself all of these plans I've made, but when I'm sitting here and it's just me, I know the truth. I know that no one in the world compares to you, because you're my other half.

I feel like you were perfectly crafted for me and just me. Anytime I get to talk about you I like up. I can't help but smile and gush and get butterflies in my stomach and tell everyone all about you. You're the only person I've lit up like that for. You're the only one I've compared to every complicated but obviously head over heels couple who were destined for each other in tv and movies. That probably doesn't seem important, but to me it just...it clicks.

I want you with me everywhere I go. You're my ice breaker, the person that makes me less shy and that I know would never let anything happen to me. You're the person who can make me cry the hardest and smile the biggest. When I didn't have you I'd pray for a glimmer of you still loving me. When you went out and partied I'd hope you texted me just so that I could possibly get the terribly honest drunk you who slurs his typing but tells me everything he feels. I've loved you longer and harder than you've known, even when I was with someone else trying to convince myself I could stay.

The situation right now sucks, I know we both agree. But it gets so frustrating for me sometimes I don't know how to take it. My mind runs non stop, and I get tired of trying to keep up with telling it "no" like a child that I just cry. I know that's frustrating for you, it has to be even if you won't admit it. I wish I could tell you more without breaking down. I wish I could be completely calm when I tell you "I am upset because of X, Y and Z" but with you I just get so scared I'll fuck it up or make you rethink being with me. I get jealous over you. I know I shouldn't, I know you love me. But things get so twisted internally and it's hard to think any of your posts could ever be about me. It makes it worse when it's tagged for her page, because that's hers, not mine, but it's lovey. I get unsure, I get mixed signals and just get frustrated. I signed up for this though, so I feel like I can't complain. I knew what I was getting in to when I said I'd wait. I don't want to go anywhere anyways, so waiting is my heart's only option.

I get excited about a future with you. More excited than I have been for anything in my life. And you coming to visit for Christmas is both exciting and nerve wracking. I bring it up so much because I get nervous you won't come, and hearing you agree and say you're coming or talk about coming makes my whole day.

I never want you to feel taken for granted. I never want you to feel unloved or unappreciated. I want you to know that I always listen when you speak, even if I don't remember things sometimes. I never want you to question that I'm loyal, or if I'm ever going to leave, because I'm not. I can't see myself with anyone except you, because I know I'd be lying to myself if I said I could be with them and be happy.