A few months ago, around my birthday I got really depressed. I guess it was a combo of the stress of my birthday being mixed with not having anyone here to celebrate with and being in a very unhappy relationship. My best friend and my ex were the only people I told. I was getting bad with habits I have and I was absolutely miserable.
My best friend was the only person who I actually felt cared. And I didn't want to tell Aaron, because he was happy and I didn't want to admit that I made a mistake in not fixing things with us when I had the chance. Which I regret all the time.

I miss my best friend a lot lately. She made me a birthday video and watching it now turns me into a big sobbing snotty boob, it's kinda pathetic on my part really. But i don't feel like I have someone like that anymore. She use to be home with me all the time and when I had class I'd call her before/after classes and tell her all about my day. Everything changed when she moved, now I feel like she couldn't care less about how I am or whats going on. I miss having a friend who puts as much effort into friendships as I do, and doesn't mind having to talk to me about stuff when I get upset about it.

I'm really nervous for Christmas. Because he's suppose to be here and I'm afraid that won't happen. I'm afraid if I hope too hard and get too excited there is no chance of it happening. I know that's probably a bad way of looking at things, but holidays aren't really ever good to me. I don't think I've had a good one in a very very long time, so this is important to me. Of course my family has done the "if it doesn't happen no moping" thing but that really won't be helpful. Because I'll mope regardless.

Anyway. Heres to hoping!