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Life Of A Part-Time Mermaid

"when you threw me to the wolves that night,
did you think they’d find me easy to swallow?
you’ve loved me more than the others; you know i claw and scream on the way down.

of course i bit back. i learned to love the moon.
i wore wolf skins as easily as my own.
i growled at death and watched him run.

please know that if you feel the hair rise on the back
of your neck, sense a shadow in the bathroom
mirror, find eyes in the thick of night, i am here.

i do not hunger after you.
i imagine you’ll taste exactly as i remember: sour, chalky, gritty. dirt under my nails.
i will be bored of this form soon.

i suggest next time, you try feeding me to dragons. — A STUDY IN SURVIVAL | m.c."

Me
I've been broken, I've loved and I've been hurt. A best friend, a hard worker, a loyal lover. I am simply human.

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We Fall, We Fall
Saturday, March 10, 2012 @ 8:00 PM
0 comments!

I've neglected this for a while. I don't know why. I've had so many things to say but not put them down, I've just been holding them in and letting them slowly blow up.
I've been slowly self destructing, watching it all slowly unfold in front of me, and just watching it burn. But that's what I wanted isn't it? Things aren't well? Destroy it all. It's how I've always been, what I've always done. And at least for a millisecond everything is quiet, my head is quiet, my chest doesn't search to feel that rush, to feel pieces fall back into place for a flash of time, only to shatter again.
I don't know what's going on. I feel like I'm drowning and everything is spinning. I feel like no matter what I do, no matter what I grab on to, it's going to slip away.
Drink. Fuck. Repeat. And you know what? It doesn't fix a goddamn thing. It doesn't get better, it doesn't change things. It just fills that hole for the moment. And it feels like it's more broken when it's done.

I feel like you don't give a shit. Like I matter less than anyone else in this world. And you know what? You haven't done a thing to change that.

Am I self destructive? Yes. But that's how I am. That is who I am. And I manage it fine. I manage me fine. Because when it comes down to it, I take care of me. I fix me. I repair me. My walls are sky high because if I let them down for one second. Just one. You do something that crushes me so I have to build a thicker ridge.
Don't you get it? Don't you understand all I want is you? But you make excuses, you damage it just to get me away. And then you yell at me. You make me feel like it's all my fault. No matter what I do it's not right. I'll always be the bad guy. I'll always be the person everyone leans on, and the person who fixes them, but when I need it, when I need everything to go okay for a bit? Not a chance.

I'm sure none of this make sense. I'm sure it'll get brushed off and won't even be cared about.

I dare you to care about me. I double dog dare you to tell me I'm wrong.

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