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Life Of A Part-Time Mermaid

"when you threw me to the wolves that night,
did you think they’d find me easy to swallow?
you’ve loved me more than the others; you know i claw and scream on the way down.

of course i bit back. i learned to love the moon.
i wore wolf skins as easily as my own.
i growled at death and watched him run.

please know that if you feel the hair rise on the back
of your neck, sense a shadow in the bathroom
mirror, find eyes in the thick of night, i am here.

i do not hunger after you.
i imagine you’ll taste exactly as i remember: sour, chalky, gritty. dirt under my nails.
i will be bored of this form soon.

i suggest next time, you try feeding me to dragons. — A STUDY IN SURVIVAL | m.c."

Me
I've been broken, I've loved and I've been hurt. A best friend, a hard worker, a loyal lover. I am simply human.

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The Outsider
Tuesday, May 19, 2015 @ 4:49 PM
0 comments!

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.” -Sylvia Plath

 When things start to go bad, I stick someone else's behaviors on the person who did something wrong. It doesn't matter how great you've been up until then. The minute you do something that upsets me, my brain automatically links it to things other people have done and decides you have now done those things.

It's quite obvious what the problem with this is. It leads to a lot of worrying that the person who is taking the fall for the blame is going to do exactly what it is that my brain is accusing them of. I had been doing better with it. A radio show I heard about 4 or 5 years back called it "Paying for someone else's groceries" and it talked about how you wouldn't expect the person in the grocery store behind you to pay for your groceries, so don't expect anyone else to pay for what someone else has done. Which is great in theory. I had been doing awesome with execution. But then some days I just wake up and feel hollow and suddenly any red flags or warning signals that you do become everyone's faults for all of eternity and they're all your fault now. 

 I don't know how to change that quality. But it's exhausting. I'd like to wake up and not feel so hollow and I'd like to know how to approach things and not sound like a crazy person. 

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